Storage No. 45


10 years ago I left Düsseldorf. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. A very present moment engraved into my memory. The truck I rented was very small and fortunately I had very talented friends that knew how to load all of my belongings in  probably the only way everything could fit. It was hard to leave but I was ready to move on, store my stuff in my mother’s garage, seek adventures and meet parts of myself that weren’t visible yet.

10 years later it is happening again. When my dear friend Nicola that helped me pack that truck in Düsseldorf saw that title picture, she said: “Your material life stored in a garage again.” Yes, again. It feels good and timely. My body is lighter and happier. Less stuff produces more simplicity and a deeper listening to what is. This is a process of letting go and of shedding what needs to be shed. Once more an experience of uprooting in order to find more depths; a clear message from my soul and spirit and a deep dive into my love for the unknown. Continue reading

Mother Courage


Photo credit: Alvin Lumanlan

The German word for mother is “Mutter” and the first 3 letters “Mut” mean courage. German can be such a detailed language and in this case it is so true and precise. Courage is the word which describes motherhood the most. It already takes courage to be pregnant and to give birth, but the ultimate courage that surpasses each and every idea I had about being a mother is motherhood. I see pregnancy and birth as a start and preparation for motherhood that often exceed words and understanding at first. In any scenario, birthing a child is raw and stirs up a lot of things in hidden places – Oh yes, pregnancy can do that! (cut the crap). Continue reading

Cut the crap

IMG_2948A long period of silence. People ask me: what is going on on planetcarmen? Honestly, most of the time, I was wondering that myself. After the cloudjam in Münsingen, I found out that I was pregnant and that was a very, very big surprise. I had only begun to kindle idea of having a second child, but it was enough for a spark to become real – to fly right into my womb, nest and grow. On one hand, I experienced a loss of control and on the other, it felt reaffirming to help this little spark grow as it seemed to know exactly where it was supposed to be. I just didn’t know, where I wanted to be. I felt conflicted, tired, annoyed, confused and most of all overwhelmed. Continue reading

Sometimes life is sweet

Sommer in Deutschland

I am surrounded by sweetness and exhaustion. I decided that this blog post will be a little compilation of some precious moments during my time in Germany. I won’t write about being worn out by the quantity of things I thought I had to do; like renovating my apartment, working with asylum seekers, organizing a festival, tutoring English, teaching German, being part of the Freiburg CI festival and all that with a little one year old on the side. This article will be about 5 times sweetness!

Sweet #1
This morning little Sequoia walked (yes, he walks!) to my side of the bed and said his first word:”Hi!” I think this was one of the most heart warming experiences I’ve ever had.

Sweet #2
One evening at the cloudjam, I was sitting in one corner of the room, observing dancing people and holding my son. I saw and felt how everything in the room became alive and present. The dance, the violin and the focus was flowing easeful together. I was quiet, content and at the right place. I was touched by the reason why I organized this little sparkly festival. I understood that my motivation was to bring all my homes together: Münsingen, the town where I grew up, the Rhineland, where I lived for almost 10 years and the Bay Area, the place where I am living now. All 3 homes were united through my 4th home –  the dance. Just writing this gives me goose bumps. All homes were represented by dear friends, old and new and it made me so tremendously happy that my brother was part of it by cooking deliciously for the whole dance crowd!
An article was written about our Jam by the local newspaper! :;art5701,3357339

All pictures courtesy of Norbert Mörchen.

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Eine Familie reist


Diese Familie reist und hat ihr trautes Heim in Oakland vor 4 Wochen verlassen. Gut so, denn die Eltern verbrachten zu viel Zeit mit ihren mobilen Telefonen, besondern ihren Photo Aps. Wer weiß, wie lange Ihr Kind schon mit dem aus dem Mund hängenden Spargel am Mittagstisch gesessen hat?!
Reisen ist fast immer eine gute Idee, es rüttelt an Strukturen, stellt Routinen in Frage und mit Kind ist man erst einmal einem ziemlichen Chaos ausgesetzt. Wenn es über den Ozean geht, dann gibt der Jet-Leg dem Chaos noch einen ordentlichen Kick gratis dazu. Gleichzeitig werden durch all die Eindrücke, neue Neuronenverbindungen beim Kind geknüpft und soziales Lernen wird gefördert. Neue und alte Beziehungen werden eingegangen, bzw. gepflegt und man lebt, wenn es optimal läuft ein bisschen mehr im Hier und Jetzt.
Unsere Familie im Bild entschied sich einen Trip nach England zu machen um Freunde zu besuchen und danach für 3 Monate nach Deutschland zu fahren um zu sehen, ob Rajendra (der Vater) tatsächlich in unabsehbarer Zeit in Deutschland leben könnte. Carmen (die Mutter) kommt aus Deutschland und besitzt eine kleine Wohnung im Herzen der Schwäbischen Alb, dort haben sie vor die 3 Monate zu verbringen und ein wenig Alltag zu erleben. Sequoia (das Baby) ist exakt 11 Monate alt und ihm ist es relativ schnuppe, wo er sich befindet. Er liebt es die Welt zu erkunden und kann gar nicht genug neue Menschen kennen lernen. Dies sind alles hervorragende Voraussetzungen für eine Reise.

Erst geht es mit dem Zug durch England … Exeter und Exmouth … eine beeindruckende Kathedrale, Chor und das Kirchencafé … Kristin, Ciaran und David … ein Tag am Meer … Empathie und Monsterkiller … und natürlich gibt es kein Bild vom bedauerlichen Zahnen…

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