The sunshine fell off the deck

unnamed-7This is a blogpost for all of you who realized a dream. The dream of a home. I am longing for a deliberate decision about where and how to live. A place to grow and to create. We are at a point where (almost) everything is possible but nothing seems to take us any further. What helped/motivated you to make the move, the jump, the dive, the shift? Tell me, I am curious! Our apartment is too small, the Bay Area so expensive, my job situation is all up in the air and Raj is mainly frustrated and wants to simplify. Continue reading

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Eine Familie reist

Familie

Diese Familie reist und hat ihr trautes Heim in Oakland vor 4 Wochen verlassen. Gut so, denn die Eltern verbrachten zu viel Zeit mit ihren mobilen Telefonen, besondern ihren Photo Aps. Wer weiß, wie lange Ihr Kind schon mit dem aus dem Mund hängenden Spargel am Mittagstisch gesessen hat?!
Reisen ist fast immer eine gute Idee, es rüttelt an Strukturen, stellt Routinen in Frage und mit Kind ist man erst einmal einem ziemlichen Chaos ausgesetzt. Wenn es über den Ozean geht, dann gibt der Jet-Leg dem Chaos noch einen ordentlichen Kick gratis dazu. Gleichzeitig werden durch all die Eindrücke, neue Neuronenverbindungen beim Kind geknüpft und soziales Lernen wird gefördert. Neue und alte Beziehungen werden eingegangen, bzw. gepflegt und man lebt, wenn es optimal läuft ein bisschen mehr im Hier und Jetzt.
Unsere Familie im Bild entschied sich einen Trip nach England zu machen um Freunde zu besuchen und danach für 3 Monate nach Deutschland zu fahren um zu sehen, ob Rajendra (der Vater) tatsächlich in unabsehbarer Zeit in Deutschland leben könnte. Carmen (die Mutter) kommt aus Deutschland und besitzt eine kleine Wohnung im Herzen der Schwäbischen Alb, dort haben sie vor die 3 Monate zu verbringen und ein wenig Alltag zu erleben. Sequoia (das Baby) ist exakt 11 Monate alt und ihm ist es relativ schnuppe, wo er sich befindet. Er liebt es die Welt zu erkunden und kann gar nicht genug neue Menschen kennen lernen. Dies sind alles hervorragende Voraussetzungen für eine Reise.

Erst geht es mit dem Zug durch England … Exeter und Exmouth … eine beeindruckende Kathedrale, Chor und das Kirchencafé … Kristin, Ciaran und David … ein Tag am Meer … Empathie und Monsterkiller … und natürlich gibt es kein Bild vom bedauerlichen Zahnen…

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The unfinished red

Red belly

I was rehearsing for a few weeks in the milk bar and created an improvised wonderful little piece of art. Unfortunately, there will be no public showing. There was just that one day where I performed it to myself. My belly is about to deflate and the magic and insight I felt while performing is lost and remembered forever.

I wish I could work on it more, I wish I knew how to work on it more, I wish I knew how to make an evening length show with all the pieces I created, performed and in addition materialize some of my ever burning and changing ideas. I wish I knew how to be persistent, excited and persevered in developing my art. The truth is, I don’t know how. As soon as I try to dive more into one of my pieces, I lose interest and meet resistance. I meet meaninglessness, boredom and doubt. I want to break through that resistance but I also honor it and understand its source.

Until this very moment the only place where I can stay with that is in between. In between acceptance and anger. Sometimes that is a very good place to be. Inspiring and thriving. In other times it feels depressing, sad and lonely. I guess the way out of that dilemma is finding an intention of why I want to perform. A real, honest and clear reason or at least one I believe in.

In the ‘unfinished red’ I recited that the first few months of pregnancy were at times so irritating because I was surprised about the lack of obvious side-effects, but especially about the lack of emotions. I realized I was judging the harmony this baby and I seemed to have found immediately…
After I said these words, I danced a duet with the little sprout that is growing inside of me. A duet that was entirely co-created in the spirit of collaborating and guiding equally. It was (and still is!) such a pleasure and loving experience to feel the impulses from inside and transfering them to the external world.

 

Here I am

11 o’clock

Here I am – Doing Butoh in between Dharamsala and McLeod in Kangra, district of Himachal Pradesh, India. It has an average elevation of 2082.

After the first days I proceed in understanding why I am here. It feels really good to understand something in my life.

The storm of thoughts is still very present, far away from being silent … but I can register and see more where they are coming from.

Just now I had an amazing experience in class where some nice girls were approaching me, then transformed in witches and with all their force they aimed towards putting me in an imaginative box! They fulfilled their task, but they had a damn hard time!

I am seeing the Himalaya, this beautiful mountain formation from the dance studio and the birds are twittering. Sometimes their sounds conjure a smile on my face. In the school I can find silence, death and life. Sanity, insanity and the abyss itself – the place where you feel the fall doesn’ t  stop. Anything is possible and the journey to the subbodies seems endless and full of mysterious wisdom I don’t understand. Here is space for the unknown to become known and to become unknown again if it is necessary. I learned to move and dance but that is just the first step in finding my own dance. I am exploring and I am finding material I haven’t touched before.

Everything is resonating. Everything within space and time.

My mind is watching. He is entertaining me in various ways and sometimes he can be very funny! I see that for the first time in such clarity. The funny mind! Ha, Ha, Ha. We all know that in every judgement lies no judgement and therefore development. Right? So, NOW I say YES to my life. I affirm it to the extent I am capable of!

Enjoy your life friends.