Just a little bump!

Our little baby learnt how to push himself forward and is exploring happily that newly achieved skill. In this short conversation, I can probably demonstrate how different mothers and fathers are experiencing the same event.

Sequoia (6 months) is under the table playing with the table legs. He loves to touch, push and pull on them, he likes to feel the structure and he particularly is into the taste of wood. Sometimes I just have to place Sequoia under the table and he is happy exploring these skinny wooden legs. Today he decides to baby crawl forward, leave the legs behind and discover new territory. He does very good until he bumps softly (but noticeable) with his head against the kitchen door.

Me: “Oh no! Be careful.” (I move him away from the door).
Rajendra did not hear anything or ignores the incident completely.
Sequoia is not stoppable and bumps his head again on the door. This time with more KARACHO.
Me: “Oh no, not again! You have to watch out where you are pushing yourself into! Are you ok?”
Raj (finally lifting his head): “What happened?”
Me:” Didn’t you hear the loud bump?! Sequoia pushed himself too hard forward so that he bumped into the kitchen door twice!
Raj: “Dummy.” (continues looking on his computer screen).

Can you believe that?! He just said “Dummy”! …

Enjoy the 16 seconds video which illustrates how some fathers play with their babies ­čÖé

Sleepless humor


A live experienced story, just before the bells ring for Christmas! Why not adding a little bit of humor in the midst of all the crazyness that seems to happen on our peculiar planet.

Most of you heard the term – sleep d e p r i v a t i o n. Especially known among fresh mothers. Just in case you don’t, it is simply the condition of not having enough sleep. I, finally know what that implies when Sequoia suddenly started to wake up 3-5 times at night. Not funny. But funny things can result from that state.

Last Monday at the SF airport before we flew to Germany, I had to pee. Beside my sleep deprived state of body and mind, I was also sad about leaving without Rajendra. But nevertheless, I needed to pee. Continue reading

Where did we loose it?

My little son Sequoia is already 10 weeks old. In these last weeks, I was thinking a lot what to write about now being a mother. Something that wouldn’t be ‘baby talk’ or ‘mother talk’ or ‘sweet talk’ or ‘ info talk’ or ‘complaining talk’ or ‘advice talk’ or ‘happy talk’. I wanted to write about something else. I am still not really sure what that is as so many people talk and write about motherhood, babyhood and parenthood. A whole big industry is making money by educating us about that totally natural event of having a baby. ┬áSometimes I feel like being in a quick sand of words not knowing when I will get pulled down, swallowed by the word monster. Continue reading

Eindr├╝cke – Ein Brief an die Welt


Hallo Welt!

Ich bekam vor ein paar Tagen mein erstes Paket! Es war eine ├ťberraschung und es wurde doch tats├Ąchlich in meinem Namen geliefert. Wie schnell sich die Nachricht meiner Geburt doch herum gesprochen hat! Wie man in den Bildern gut erkennen kann, war ich von den Handt├╝chern nicht sehr beeindruckt, auch nicht von der kreativen Fotomontage meines Vaters, aber ich hatte das Gef├╝hl meine Eltern hatten Spa├č an der Fotosession. Erwachsene erfreuen sich ja bekanntlich sonderbarer Dinge, aber ich glaube, ich werde die Handt├╝cher mit der Zeit m├Âgen, vielleicht auch nur der Stickerei wegen.
Ich selbst war w├Ąhrend der Bildaufnahmen mit wichtigeren Dingen besch├Ąftigt. Ich muss mich in den n├Ąchsten Wochen und Monaten sehr auf meinen K├Ârper konzentrieren. Es gibt ja so viel zu lernen! Einem Ph├Ąnomen bin ich besonders oft ausgeliefert; dem Schluckauf oder dem Hiccup. Beide Worte klingen lustigerweise in beiden Sprachen ziemlich ├Ąhnlich. Er erwischt mich immer v├Âllig unvorbereitet und manchmal machen mir die Schluckauf-Reaktionen meines K├Ârpers ein bisschen Angst. Aber nur ein wenig, denn ich bin fast immer ziemlich entspannt und nehme sie wie sie kommen. Continue reading

The unfinished red

Red belly

I was rehearsing for a few weeks in the milk bar and created an improvised wonderful little piece of art. Unfortunately, there will be no public showing. There was just that one day where I performed it to myself. My belly is about to deflate and the magic and insight I felt while performing is lost and remembered forever.

I wish I could work on it more, I wish I knew how to work on it more, I wish I knew how to make an evening length show with all the pieces I created, performed and in addition materialize some of my ever burning and changing ideas. I wish I knew how to be persistent, excited and persevered in developing my art. The truth is, I don’t know how. As soon as I try to dive more into one of my pieces, I lose interest and meet resistance. I meet meaninglessness, boredom and doubt.┬áI want to break through that resistance but I also honor it and understand its source.

Until this very moment the only place where I can stay with that is in between. In between acceptance and anger. Sometimes that is a very good place to be. Inspiring and thriving. In other times it feels depressing, sad and lonely. I guess the way out of that dilemma is finding an intention of why I want to perform. A real, honest and clear reason or at least one I believe in.

In the ‘unfinished red’ I recited that the first few months of pregnancy were at times so irritating because I was surprised about the lack of obvious side-effects, but especially about the lack of emotions. I realized I was judging the harmony this baby and I seemed to have found immediately…
After I said these words, I danced a duet with the little sprout that is growing inside of me. A duet that was entirely co-created in the spirit of collaborating and guiding equally. It was (and still is!) such a pleasure and loving experience to feel the impulses from inside and transfering them to the external world.


Toys are babies

Ok people, let’s get it out there for everyone publicly. I am pregnant and I am feeling super relaxed, already for more than 7 months. A few days ago I had to have my first trip to “Toys are Babies” and I am sure you know the official name of that incredible store. It was a terrible, surprising, irritating, flabbergasting and funny experience. Besides, definitely a lesson about what NOT to buy.

I give you some examples: Here we have a row of ridiculous little machines for babies. I think they call them ‘jumpers’. All have different sound effects, various vibrating possibilities, mirrors, flying suns, moons and monsters, installed robot children songs and probably some of them even some light variations. I don’t remember. These things are terrifying, not even to mention the ugly plastic aesthetics and these bullying colors. One of them is called: Evenflo ExerSaucer Jump and Learn Jumper Jungle Quest Activity Center!
Do I have to say more?



No we continue to a diaper rocket, that “locks the odor”! It is antimicrobial, has a double clamp air-lock, a 5 layer refill bag and a convenient foot pedal. When I saw it, I thought it looksvlike a rocket that actually can shoot all the detested little diapers out into the universe.

Diaper rocket

Diaper rocket

Here we have an ‘easy expression bustier’ which makes hands-free pumping easier. It gives the freedom to do other things, is compatible with most breastpumps, is easy to wear, to wash and the material blends on its own or over a nursing bra or carnisole (I don’t even know what that is!)

Hands free

Hands free

The Belly bar boost. On the box it really says: “Our babies need chocolate”, recommended and checked by gynecologists. Who had thought that?!

photo 4

I was really surprised about this one!!! If someone had told me that you can buy a digital prenatal listening system in a conventional baby store, I would not have believed it. But there is a market for expecting parents that want to listen heart-to-heart. I was standing quite awhile in front of that product and had to smile. If somebody gave it to me, I would give it a try and do some experiments!

Listening together

Listening together

Heart shaped bamboodies in light pink! A must for nursing mothers!



After I digested my first impression in the land of baby equipment, I truly wish, that I don’t have to buy much there. I hope to be as improvisational with starting a family as I am with living my life.


“Buch ├╝ber die Liebe” Chapter 2

Buch ├╝ber die Liebe

2 years ago Rajendra and I had our “Schwuppdiwupp” wedding. Last year we celebrated our 1st anniversary in a redwood forest in the Oakland hills. It was a beautiful, memorable and really touching celebration. Lots of friends and family came and contributed in one way or the other. In retrospect, I believe that it was such a wonderful day, because we let it pass by without too much planning and with the trust in the power of improvisation. On that day petals of beauty could unfold in their full potential. I could almost feel the love pouring down on all of us from the top of the redwood trees that embraced us. For me it was almost too sweet to be true. As some of you probably know, if things get too beautiful, I am very suspicious if they are real. But that day really was.

This year, we drove up there again. Only the two of us without an agenda. We just had packed an apple, a pocket knife, peanuts and a bottle of pomegranate sparkling cider. We climbed up on one of the benches, stood there looking at each other and toasted.  The toast sounded like a little tingeling. A sound that said everything that needed to be said in that moment. The sun tickled us through the trees and one of the old ravens, that we already met last year, flew past us.

The last two years were full of life, a lot of unexpected moments of joy, love and pain. A learning experience I didn’t want to miss, including all the people that were with me, supported me and sometimes helped me pulling the cart through the swamp. I much better understand the preciousness of opening up to risks, commitments and surprises without becoming paralyzed or desperate. 2 years of finding more stability underneath my feet by following my intuition when it truly needed my attention. 2 years of a lot of fighting and rebellion but also less of both. I am curious about the next steps in this life and in this marriage.

Anniversary March 16

Wild und weit

Sierras, CA

Sierras, CA

Mein erster Urlaub seit langer, langer Zeit! Kaum zu glauben, nachdem ich vor genau 2 Jahren meine 3 j├Ąhrige Reise beendet habe, war ich nun fast ein ganzes Jahr ununterbrochen an einem Ort. Manchmal f├╝hlte ich mich als ob ich “festsitze”, dann wiederum als ob es so sein soll und ich f├╝hlte mich ganz wohl damit. Ende letzten Jahres wurde ich dann aber doch kribbelig und f├╝hlte mich ganz pl├Âtzlich regelrecht eingesperrt und auch gelangweilt. ┬áIch war unausstehlich und musste RAUS! Wir sind in die Sierras gefahren, allerdings nicht in das Gebiet, das von Touristen ├╝berschwemmt ist, sondern in ein vollkommen d├╝nn besiedelte Region. Wir waren ein paar Tage in Markleeville. Dieses kleine Dorf hat 210 Einwohner, ist Bezirkshauptstadt und hat sogar ein Gerichtsgeb├Ąude. Es gibt einen Pub, der um 17 Uhr schlie├čt, 2 kleine Hotels, eine Post, einen Tante Emma Laden, ein Souvenir-Gesch├Ąft, ein Fr├╝hst├╝ckscaf├ę und ein absolut exquisites Restaurant. Dieses ist im Sommer 3 Abende und im Winter 2 Abende ge├Âffnet. Das Essen war einmalig und sollte einer von Euch mal durch Markleeville kommen und es ist zuf├Ąllig Freitag oder Samstagabend, stoppt im “Stonefly”. Das Highlight in Markleeville sind allerdings die Grover Hot Springs. Dort treffen sich alle, vor allem am Abend, denn es gibt keine andere Attraktion in der Umgebung. Um 18 Uhr werden die Bordsteine hochgeklappt, es wird eiskalt und die Nacht ist pechschwarz mit einem blinzelnden Sternenhimmel.┬á Continue reading

Zombies an Halloween

Dieses Jahr erlebte ich mein erstes Halloween in den USA. ┬áWas f├╝r ein schr├Ąger Anlass sich zu verkleiden, Kinder zu erschrecken und S├╝├čigkeiten zu verteilen! Halloween wurde urspr├╝nglich nur im katholischen Irland gefeiert. Von dort kam es mit den zahlreichen irischen Auswanderern im 19.┬áJahrhundert in die USA┬áund geh├Ârte zum Brauchtum┬ádieser Volksgruppe. Aufgrund seiner Attraktivit├Ąt wurde es bald von den anderen ├╝bernommen und entwickelte sich zu einem Volksfest.

Ich wurde von Rajendras Cousine Deborah und ihrem Mann Phil auf ihre Halloween Party eingeladen. Das diesj├Ąhrige Motto war: “Zombie”. Als wir am Nachmittag ankamen, halfen wir den nett-├╝berschaubaren-typisch-amerikanischen-residential driveway zur “Zombie-location” auszustaffieren. Das Sound System wurde auch in k├╝rzester Zeit perfektioniert, so dass man von innen hinter dem K├╝chenfenster sitzend, das Geschehen auf dem Innenhof beobachten und w├╝st verzerrt kommentieren konnte. Das Mikrophon haben wir drau├čen unter den S├╝├čigkeitenbeh├Ąlter in dem abgeschlagenen (Plastik) Kopf versteckt. Dann wurden die Rollen verteilt. Es gab Sicherheitspersonal mit Gasmasken und Luftdruckpistolen zum Erschrecken. Ebenso Leichen, die unter wei├čen Laken auf dem Boden lagen und ab und zu vom Tode auferstanden. Und nat├╝rlich ein paar umhergeisternde Zombies. Untermalt wurde alles mit einer Nebelmaschine und nat├╝rlich mit gruseliger Musik. Der Plan war folgender: Die Kinder mu├čten sich durch das Tor, an dem Sicherheitspersonal, den Leichen und den Zombies vorbei trauen und bis zum gro├čen S├╝├čigkeitenbeh├Ąlter vordringen. Dort durften sie sich dann S├╝├čigkeiten nehmen oder einer der Zombies gab sie ihnen. Aber bevor der Abend anfangen konnte, durften wir uns ja noch Schminken! Phil hat ein gro├čes Sortiment an allem, was man braucht um sich vor sich selbst zu f├╝rchten! Mich haben vor allem sein Narbenmaterial, das Kunstblut und die Gebisse aller Art fasziniert.

Hier seht ihr ein paar Eindr├╝cke unserer “Zombie Crew”. Leider konnte das Auferstehen der Leichen nicht festgehalten werden, das war ein sehr ausdrucksstarkes feature …

Continue reading