Just a little bump!

Our little baby learnt how to push himself forward and is exploring happily that newly achieved skill. In this short conversation, I can probably demonstrate how different mothers and fathers are experiencing the same event.

Sequoia (6 months) is under the table playing with the table legs. He loves to touch, push and pull on them, he likes to feel the structure and he particularly is into the taste of wood. Sometimes I just have to place Sequoia under the table and he is happy exploring these skinny wooden legs. Today he decides to baby crawl forward, leave the legs behind and discover new territory. He does very good until he bumps softly (but noticeable) with his head against the kitchen door.

Me: “Oh no! Be careful.” (I move him away from the door).
Rajendra did not hear anything or ignores the incident completely.
Sequoia is not stoppable and bumps his head again on the door. This time with more KARACHO.
Me: “Oh no, not again! You have to watch out where you are pushing yourself into! Are you ok?”
Raj (finally lifting his head): “What happened?”
Me:” Didn’t you hear the loud bump?! Sequoia pushed himself too hard forward so that he bumped into the kitchen door twice!
Raj: “Dummy.” (continues looking on his computer screen).

Can you believe that?! He just said “Dummy”! …

Enjoy the 16 seconds video which illustrates how some fathers play with their babies ūüôā

Sleepless humor


A live experienced story, just before the bells ring for Christmas! Why not adding a little bit of humor in the midst of all the crazyness that seems to happen on our peculiar planet.

Most of you heard the term – sleep d e p r i v a t i o n. Especially known among fresh mothers. Just in case you don’t, it is simply the condition of not having enough sleep. I, finally know what that implies when Sequoia suddenly started to wake up 3-5 times at night. Not funny. But funny things can result from that state.

Last Monday at the SF airport before we flew to Germany, I had to pee. Beside my sleep deprived state of body and mind, I was also sad about leaving without Rajendra. But nevertheless, I needed to pee. Continue reading

Where did we loose it?

My little son Sequoia is already 10 weeks old. In these last weeks, I was thinking a lot what to write about now being a mother. Something that wouldn’t be ‘baby talk’ or ‘mother talk’ or ‘sweet talk’ or ‘ info talk’ or ‘complaining talk’ or ‘advice talk’ or ‘happy talk’. I wanted to write about something else. I am still not really sure what that is as so many people talk and write about motherhood, babyhood and parenthood. A whole big industry is making money by educating us about that totally natural event of having a baby. ¬†Sometimes I feel like being in a quick sand of words not knowing when I will get pulled down, swallowed by the word monster. Continue reading

Eindr√ľcke – Ein Brief an die Welt


Hallo Welt!

Ich bekam vor ein paar Tagen mein erstes Paket! Es war eine √úberraschung und es wurde doch tats√§chlich in meinem Namen geliefert. Wie schnell sich die Nachricht meiner Geburt doch herum gesprochen hat! Wie man in den Bildern gut erkennen kann, war ich von den Handt√ľchern nicht sehr beeindruckt, auch nicht von der kreativen Fotomontage meines Vaters, aber ich hatte das Gef√ľhl meine Eltern hatten Spa√ü an der Fotosession. Erwachsene erfreuen sich ja bekanntlich sonderbarer Dinge, aber ich glaube, ich werde die Handt√ľcher mit der Zeit m√∂gen, vielleicht auch nur der Stickerei wegen.
Ich selbst war während der Bildaufnahmen mit wichtigeren Dingen beschäftigt. Ich muss mich in den nächsten Wochen und Monaten sehr auf meinen Körper konzentrieren. Es gibt ja so viel zu lernen! Einem Phänomen bin ich besonders oft ausgeliefert; dem Schluckauf oder dem Hiccup. Beide Worte klingen lustigerweise in beiden Sprachen ziemlich ähnlich. Er erwischt mich immer völlig unvorbereitet und manchmal machen mir die Schluckauf-Reaktionen meines Körpers ein bisschen Angst. Aber nur ein wenig, denn ich bin fast immer ziemlich entspannt und nehme sie wie sie kommen. Continue reading

The unfinished red

Red belly

I was rehearsing for a few weeks in the milk bar and created an improvised wonderful little piece of art. Unfortunately, there will be no public showing. There was just that one day where I performed it to myself. My belly is about to deflate and the magic and insight I felt while performing is lost and remembered forever.

I wish I could work on it more, I wish I knew how to work on it more, I wish I knew how to make an evening length show with all the pieces I created, performed and in addition materialize some of my ever burning and changing ideas. I wish I knew how to be persistent, excited and persevered in developing my art. The truth is, I don’t know how. As soon as I try to dive more into one of my pieces, I lose interest and meet resistance. I meet meaninglessness, boredom and doubt.¬†I want to break through that resistance but I also honor it and understand its source.

Until this very moment the only place where I can stay with that is in between. In between acceptance and anger. Sometimes that is a very good place to be. Inspiring and thriving. In other times it feels depressing, sad and lonely. I guess the way out of that dilemma is finding an intention of why I want to perform. A real, honest and clear reason or at least one I believe in.

In the ‘unfinished red’ I recited that the first few months of pregnancy were at times so irritating because I was surprised about the lack of obvious side-effects, but especially about the lack of emotions. I realized I was judging the harmony this baby and I seemed to have found immediately…
After I said these words, I danced a duet with the little sprout that is growing inside of me. A duet that was entirely co-created in the spirit of collaborating and guiding equally. It was (and still is!) such a pleasure and loving experience to feel the impulses from inside and transfering them to the external world.


Toys are babies

Ok people, let’s get it out there for everyone publicly. I am pregnant and I am feeling super relaxed, already for more than 7 months. A few days ago I had to have my first trip to “Toys are Babies” and I am sure you know the official name of that incredible store. It was a terrible, surprising, irritating, flabbergasting and funny experience. Besides, definitely a lesson about what NOT to buy.

I give you some examples: Here we have a row of ridiculous little machines for babies. I think they call them ‘jumpers’. All have different sound effects, various vibrating possibilities, mirrors, flying suns, moons and monsters, installed robot children songs and probably some of them even some light variations. I don’t remember. These things are terrifying, not even to mention the ugly plastic aesthetics and these bullying colors. One of them is called: Evenflo ExerSaucer Jump and Learn Jumper Jungle Quest Activity Center!
Do I have to say more?



No we continue to a diaper rocket, that “locks the odor”! It is antimicrobial, has a double clamp air-lock, a 5 layer refill bag and a convenient foot pedal. When I saw it, I thought it looksvlike a rocket that actually can shoot all the detested little diapers out into the universe.

Diaper rocket

Diaper rocket

Here we have an ‘easy expression bustier’ which makes hands-free pumping easier. It gives the freedom to do other things, is compatible with most breastpumps, is easy to wear, to wash and the material blends on its own or over a nursing bra or carnisole (I don’t even know what that is!)

Hands free

Hands free

The Belly bar boost. On the box it really says: “Our babies need chocolate”, recommended and checked by gynecologists. Who had thought that?!

photo 4

I was really surprised about this one!!! If someone had told me that you can buy a digital prenatal listening system in a conventional baby store, I would not have believed it. But there is a market for expecting parents that want to listen heart-to-heart. I was standing quite awhile in front of that product and had to smile. If somebody gave it to me, I would give it a try and do some experiments!

Listening together

Listening together

Heart shaped bamboodies in light pink! A must for nursing mothers!



After I digested my first impression in the land of baby equipment, I truly wish, that I don’t have to buy much there. I hope to be as improvisational with starting a family as I am with living my life.


“Buch √ľber die Liebe” Chapter 2

Buch √ľber die Liebe

2 years ago Rajendra and I had our “Schwuppdiwupp” wedding. Last year we celebrated our 1st anniversary in a redwood forest in the Oakland hills. It was a beautiful, memorable and really touching celebration. Lots of friends and family came and contributed in one way or the other. In retrospect, I believe that it was such a wonderful day, because we let it pass by without too much planning and with the trust in the power of improvisation. On that day petals of beauty could unfold in their full potential. I could almost feel the love pouring down on all of us from the top of the redwood trees that embraced us. For me it was almost too sweet to be true. As some of you probably know, if things get too beautiful, I am very suspicious if they are real. But that day really was.

This year, we drove up there again. Only the two of us without an agenda. We just had packed an apple, a pocket knife, peanuts and a bottle of pomegranate sparkling cider. We climbed up on one of the benches, stood there looking at each other and toasted.  The toast sounded like a little tingeling. A sound that said everything that needed to be said in that moment. The sun tickled us through the trees and one of the old ravens, that we already met last year, flew past us.

The last two years were full of life, a lot of unexpected moments of joy, love and pain. A learning experience I didn’t want to miss, including all the people that were with me, supported me and sometimes helped me pulling the cart through the swamp. I much better understand the preciousness of opening up to risks, commitments and surprises without becoming paralyzed or desperate. 2 years of finding more stability underneath my feet by following my intuition when it truly needed my attention. 2 years of a lot of fighting and rebellion but also less of both. I am curious about the next steps in this life and in this marriage.

Anniversary March 16

Wild und weit

Sierras, CA

Sierras, CA

Mein erster Urlaub seit langer, langer Zeit! Kaum zu glauben, nachdem ich vor genau 2 Jahren meine 3 j√§hrige Reise beendet habe, war ich nun fast ein ganzes Jahr ununterbrochen an einem Ort. Manchmal f√ľhlte ich mich als ob ich “festsitze”, dann wiederum als ob es so sein soll und ich f√ľhlte mich ganz wohl damit. Ende letzten Jahres wurde ich dann aber doch kribbelig und f√ľhlte mich ganz pl√∂tzlich regelrecht eingesperrt und auch gelangweilt. ¬†Ich war unausstehlich und musste RAUS! Wir sind in die Sierras gefahren, allerdings nicht in das Gebiet, das von Touristen √ľberschwemmt ist, sondern in ein vollkommen d√ľnn besiedelte Region. Wir waren ein paar Tage in Markleeville. Dieses kleine Dorf hat 210 Einwohner, ist Bezirkshauptstadt und hat sogar ein Gerichtsgeb√§ude. Es gibt einen Pub, der um 17 Uhr schlie√üt, 2 kleine Hotels, eine Post, einen Tante Emma Laden, ein Souvenir-Gesch√§ft, ein Fr√ľhst√ľckscaf√© und ein absolut exquisites Restaurant. Dieses ist im Sommer 3 Abende und im Winter 2 Abende ge√∂ffnet. Das Essen war einmalig und sollte einer von Euch mal durch Markleeville kommen und es ist zuf√§llig Freitag oder Samstagabend, stoppt im “Stonefly”. Das Highlight in Markleeville sind allerdings die Grover Hot Springs. Dort treffen sich alle, vor allem am Abend, denn es gibt keine andere Attraktion in der Umgebung. Um 18 Uhr werden die Bordsteine hochgeklappt, es wird eiskalt und die Nacht ist pechschwarz mit einem blinzelnden Sternenhimmel.¬† Continue reading

just arrived

Robert Gomez Hernandez

This morning I was asked to describe how I would like my spiritual image to be.  This is what I wrote:

I would be a blue and red feathered bird like woman that can live in each element in a changing body adjusted to the environment.

My home is most likely the water, where I become a blue and red finned fish, shining in all directions, feeling home so home down there.

In the fire my feathers become flames. They help me fly fast and furious, right into Pele’s arms. There I can feel the heat melting with my soul.¬†

On the earth I become a big grounded creature, loving to merge with the soil and everything underneath. A place to rest and get warm in my heart. 

The air makes me fly light and high like rays of the moon transcending in blue light.

I wish you all a Merry, Merry Christmas. May the spirits guide you and hold their wings around you. Love to you all, my dear friends all over this planet.